Late... again.

Why do I do it to myself? I'm constantly late. I know it, you know it, and if you don't its just a matter of time until you do.

As a kid it was an annoyance but not really a big deal as teachers in all my public schools just brushed it off. I can't tell you how many detentions I served for tardiness and how after a while the just stop punishing me. In essence reinforcing my behavior. My mom (bless her heart) tried to stear me the right way, but I couldn't follow like some stubborn little kid. She is the kind of women that is 15 minutes early to everything she does. I on the other hand was born 10 days late. When I was little she would joke that I couldn't be rushed to do anything even being born.

This late behavior continued through college when I'd be late to class or meetings. Some professors would get so pissed but honestly most didn't care or evidently stopped caring, they figured it was my education and I was paying for it. If I wanted to miss the first 5-10 minutes of class that was my business. I sort of have to agree with them.

Then the real world became a little more of a hassle. People (co-workers and bosses) look at you like your completely incompentant... maybe I am because I truly have no sense of time. If I'm early or on time today I can not replicate that again tomorrow. I just can't. I've tried. I really have. I have to know of a morning meeting in advance so that I can try extra hard to be on time for that meeting. It is so sad that there is NO guarentee of what time I'll ever be in. This can piss off your bosses but I've tried to be better and consistant and I can't. Sometimes I'll be really good for like 3 days in a row and then bam I'm an 1 hour late for work. But I don't punch a clock so does it really matter? Except that all my coworkers are here early and I was the only one that missed a morning meeting that was called at the last minute.

I admire my friends that are always puntucal or even early. I wish I was more like them but I'm not. I try. I really try. But then something happens and I get distracted and poof the time is gone and I'm rushing again.

On the flip side of that, I work extremely well under pressure. I can get most things done when I have to. I'm actually kind of proud of that. A lot of people I know crack under the pressure but instead I strive under it. I think its because most of my life I've had the "I can do that later" attitude and when later comes I always have to haul a** to get it done.

I've promised Jack that I won't be late to our wedding. I hope to keep that promise. I'm going to have to try extra hard that day.